Wednesday, September 24, 2014

20 years ago this week Friends premiered...

I was just starting my senior year at WVU.  I watched that first episode and was hooked.

When it ended ten years later I was still a religious viewer.  

And I could never have guessed how my life would change over the time Monica, Chandler, Joey, Rachel and Phoebe graced my airwaves.

In the ten years since Friends has been off the air I find that quotes from episodes typically make their way into conversations on an almost daily basis.  Still.

Probably my all time favorite scene - The One with The Quiz for the Apartment

My closest friends from that time had different names - Jon, Katie, Heather, Brent, Beth, Holly, Dan, Greg, Chilik, Lauren, Matt and Becci.  

But our 20s - really were magical.  And I wouldn't trade one minute of it for anything in the World.  

And I go back in a New York Minute if I could.


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Lessons will be repeated to you - in various forms - until you learn them - Unknown

Building on yesterday's post, I awoke today to find this in my inbox from a friend.
Strange timing that this showed up today...

And then this afternoon, I stumbled upon this - Surrendering to Things We Can't Control

I guess the Universe agrees with me that my revelation yesterday was spot on.

And it sent some friendly reminders to keep me focused on this subject.

Makes me wonder what form of "lesson reinforcement" I'll experience tomorrow.


Monday, September 22, 2014

I Finally Get It...

Like a foreign language that suddenly rolls right off your tongue or a math problem that suddenly makes sense, after 41 years, I finally understand what the message at right means.

Which is odd because until today I thought I knew exactly what it meant.

And it's not because I've recently gone through a breakup.  Heck, I've not even been on a date since the Bush II administration.

Maybe it's because I am a days away from a family gathering that will be full of love and laughter and heartbreak that will include at a minimum:
1 -  us sending one couple off to start a life together while we face
2 -  another who - after almost three decades - are going to have to relearn how to navigate the waters alone again; and finally
3 - my sweet aunt, who will be attending her first family wedding EVER without her husband..my dear uncle who died last July.

My heart swells for the first at the joy that awaits them.  

For the second, I feel an unbearable weight of devastation that has left me sleepless these last few nights and near tears the last few days.  I don't know how to help them.  I don't know what to say.  These two have been a beacon of martial hope for me and while I know this situation is in no way, shape or form about me, I am terrified I am not going to be able to hold it together long enough to be there for them if/when they need me.

As for my aunt, well, I fully just expect to cry.  And though that might not be the best course of action, I can't see a way around it.  As they say, when in Rome.......

It's interesting.  I have been thinking that maybe I've been such a nut about this because I will have to face my aunt for the first time in my life with out my uncle at her side.  And then go to see him by myself at the cemetery where so many of my other family members rest as well. For whatever reason, this trip to the cemetery is going to be tougher than all the others I've made. 

Let's recap that - It will be tough for me to see her with out him. 

HELLO - IT IS/HAS BEEN/WILL BE TOUGH FOR HER TO BE WITHOUT HIM.  PERIOD.  

A little re framing goes a long way folks. 

That said, it is going to be hard on all of us for varying reasons this weekend.  

For me, maybe because I couldn't attend his funeral.  While never a fan of funerals, I will admit they do provide a sense of closure that yours truly apparently needs when it comes to saying goodbye to those she loves.  Because it occurs to me that perhaps there is a part of me that believes my uncle is still alive.  Rationally I know that isn't the case but this will be the first time I will have visited that side of the family since he died.  

Maybe this will just finally make it all too real for me. Maybe I want to continue to believe he is still alive and come Friday when I see that headstone this carefully built fantasy is going to come crashing down, like it or not.

For whatever reason it dawned on me today that there are people in my life, people in my family, that I will never truly understand.  I will never see the World from their point of view, will never know their life experiences and will probably never choose to react to situations they way they have.  

But today I realized this - They can't stop me from loving them.  I may not have the relationship I want with them but I know that in their own ways - even if I don't understand it, even if it isn't in the form in which I need to receive it - they do love me. They may say it and not show it.  They may show it and not say it.  They may say and mean and still hurt me! But the real gift is that I know even if they don't know how to say/show or do, they feel it.

I am blessed that they try their best to show their love in their unique ways.

And I grateful I get to reciprocate in my own way too.

So with laughter though tears, we carry on with hope and grace and love.